LOVE. One word and four letters, but possibly the most intense, bizarre and destructive word in our vocabulary. What is love? Who experiences it and why? Is queer love different to straight love? Who knows. I don’t really understand it, or at least I don’t think I do, but maybe that’s the point. I’ve grown up to think that you know when you’re in love because it hits you like an arrow in the brain/heart/penis. Is love simply a way of forcing yourself to step up to the plate and move your relationship forwards, or is it a genuine and heartfelt attraction and connection with another? Maybe love is a man made emotion which exists to control our feelings and keep us connected to whatever it is we’re meant to be connected to. Deep, huh?
My experience of love is limited. I love my family, my cat, my friends and my life story. All different kinds of love depending on who you talk to, but love all the same. Have I felt love towards another man? Have I felt like I want to be with someone for the rest of my days? Not genuinely, no. I thought I was in love but in reality it was like I was joining the dots. Meet a guy, fall in love, move in together and discuss marriage. That’s what I have seen as normal all my life. Perhaps normality is the problem? Perhaps its the influence of the heterosexual world telling me that I must join the dots in order to find true happiness in life. I think the dots are bullshit. They exist to keep you on a path alongside everyone else who wants to live from dot to dot. I want to live from moment to moment and feel the joy and pain and anger and passion. Someday I will.